London

You know how some people feel like they were born in the wrong decade, some in the wrong bodies...well I feel like I was born in the wrong country. Everything about England, especially London screams Stephanie. From the urban trend spots of Shoreditch to the night life of Camden. I was meant to walk those streets and ride the tube, listen to my iPod and not have to bother with anyone around me. I could feel alone and yet always be surrounded by people, how ideal is that? I could dress anyway I wanted, from black skinny jeans and converse to glittery tops and funky hats and not feel out of place. I could express myself through my clothing and not stick out like a soar thumb. Here, in the suburbs I feel no need to get up and get dressed because I’m not going anywhere. So I get lazy and put on a t-shirt and well of course skinny jeans, but no one sees me anyways. I am 100% alone and the only means of transportation is in my Subaru. I have to actually make an effort to see people and the most socializing I get is when I go to the gym, which is actually one of the only reasons I go. There, I can listen to my music and not have to interact with anyone while still being surrounded with people, something I cherish because it is the closest thing to London.

So here I am, it’s 12 on a Sunday night and I feel myself slipping back into the depression that hit me when I was about to leave London over two weeks ago. I am scared to go back to school because what’s there for me...nothing. You’re in the middle of nowhere in Upstate New York and there is nothing to do. My outfits usually consist of sweatpants and sweatshirts and a pair of snow boots because if it’s not snowing there is either snow on the ground or those are the only shoes that will keep your feet warm. So there is absolutely nothing to look forward to. I feel like the school just sucks out all of your individuality.

I think I can admit this to you, but I sometimes I get tired of being ordinary.